There is something about the way she looks at me! I don’t know what love is nore do I understand the complex line bordering between love and lust. But everything about the way she looks at me suggests something more. Neither of us wants more, yet the complex power play entwined within our social dynamic dissipates at the first sign of affection. I take my hand and run it down the side of her face, gently stroking the back of her neck. I run it up through her hair, pull her in closer to me. She takes her arm and holds me close, her body warm, beads of sweat forming on my head, yet in fear of losing the fleeting moment I remain uncomfortable totally absorbed by the feeling. I hate the feeling yet love it. The recognition of it coming to an end, the final turn of a roller coaster approaching, the sinking feeling one comes to upon realizing they must return to a place of loneliness! These are the ideals I face upon the journey, so blinded by the future I can’t partake in the present. I try to forget such thought, try to push it out of my head, but I can’t. I’m my own worse enemy! I’m so afraid to lose control that I’m unwilling to put myself at the mercy of another. In the end that is what love is, it’s the ultimate vulnerability! Where some fantasize about strength I perceive weakness. Not that those in love are weak, I truly envy such people, it’s that those in love have opened themselves up to another target. Those they love must not be willing to abuse such a trait, must not be afraid to reciprocate, and more importantly not manipulate the other. What is it about love that makes it so sought after? Do we ever truly experience love? How do we know when we’re in love? What is it? Can I even feel it? Then again what is hate, can one truly feel hate? How can decisions be made based off perceptions we can’t logic through? Then again, the illogical is a characteristic of humanity to? These ideas plague me, because this is what the human experience is about. If I can’t describe the basis of what we are, if I can’t say for certain I’ve even experienced such core fundamental aspects of the human psyche, does that mean I’m not experiencing the human experience? I may not be a spiritual person but I have passion and I love deeply. Love and passion are all that it takes to change the world and I have the courage to stand on my own and face the unknown. Yet when I’m with you no challenge seems to great, no feat becomes to troublesome, and love becomes a reality. For when I hold you, whisper to you, get lost in the soothing contours of your face I just know. To live life without your touch in exchange for the greatest riches offered I would not do, for there is nothing that can distract my gaze long enough for me not to realize what I don’t have.

I gaze into your eyes, the world dies. I hold you near, emotion I fear. I want to kiss you again and again, till this fleeting moments end. I want to let go, be sucked in by your gentle undertow. I want to cry, can’t explain why. I don’t know how, But in the here, in the now, I want you by my side. For this is not a ride I’m going to continue to flee and hide. Your waves crashing high, tears rolling as I cry, crushed beneath your embracing tide. I fall, defy, logic against a wall, i try my best to lie, but I can’t fool myself as I try. Flying high crashing into the entwined ropes you tie. I can’t cast you aside. My time I continue to bide, why, cry, lie, tie, up my hope will fly or else all will die. I gaze into your eyes, the world dies. I hold you near, why do I fear?